SC: use describing words
We were watching a triathlon for the seniors but one of the seniors were sick so Ben did it to replace the senior. Ben was as fast as a hare. We were trying to keep up with him. He didn't do the swimming because he didn't bring his togs. When he was doing it we went straight to him. It was as loud as an elephant. I was proud of him.
Written by Jacob
On Tuesday I did the RSS triathlon. It was awesome. I had lots of support. It felt fantastic. My class mates pushed me to the limit and after that I went like a streak of lightning. I felt better than before. It felt totally awesome.
Written by Ben
Published by Ebony
Awesome writing, Ben! I like how you used the simile - like a streak of lightning - I can just imagine how fast that is! Well done.
ReplyDeleteI like some of the vocabulary you used, Jacob - such as - replaced, and "I was proud of him" - what a lovely thing to say about your classmate.
I look forward to reading more of your writing on the blog. Keep up the great work!